Self-Editing Part 2: Writing Style

Once you’ve polished up the mechanics (see previous article on self-editing your mechanics), you have a second level of self-editing to do. Here are some common stylistic errors writers make and the techniques to use to balance them out.

• Passive voice. This kind of passive sentence construction occurs when the author pulls his punches and will not commit to the action, emotion, or choice he gives his character. It’s characterized by phrases such as “I found myself,” “My hand reached out,” or “He felt himself getting angry.” One of my favorites was a story where the heroine “found myself naked under the Christmas tree.” That must have been quite a shock. Instead of telling us what you found yourself doing, just do it. “He felt himself getting angry, his hand reached out and he found himself hitting her,” could more dramatically turn into, “Anger burned through him, and he clenched his fists, desperate to control it, but it didn’t help. Pain and fury coalesced in his strong hand, and he lashed out at her, forcing all the pain of her betrayal into the strike.”


• More passive voice. Do a search in your document for the word “was.” Is it connected to another verb? Sometimes you need this word, especially when you want to show that two things are happening at the same time, or one action interrupts another: “He was eating his mom’s chocolate chip cookies when the windows exploded.” Other than that, you don’t really need it, so get rid of it. “He was sneaking carefully in the back door,” should just be “He snuck carefully in the back door.” Use the simplest, most active, most direct, least qualified verbs available—otherwise you dilute the action and the power of the passage.

• Qualifiers. Excise these words: very, somewhat, rather, fairly, really, pretty (as in “pretty good”), a bit, a great deal, a large amount, kind of, sort of, quite. I don’t care about a character who is “somewhat disturbed,” or “rather beautiful.” But give me someone who’s beautiful and disturbed—that’s scary. Qualifiers are another way to back away from your words. Don’t. A fairly dark night holds no interest but a dark night can be frightening, romantic, or a perfect opportunity to put plans into action.

• Hypnotizing rhythms. It’s easier to read paragraphs where the sentences are mixed up: shorter and longer, simple and complex. Too much of one style makes it hard to absorb the meaning, and the reader gets bored.

• Head-hopping. The 3rd person omniscient point of view is fun because you’re allowed to get inside anyone’s head—you know all, and can say so. But that doesn’t mean you can jump in and out of multiple characters’ heads in the course of a single scene. Your reader needs to know where he or she is standing in any given scene; she gets used to watching the scene from that perspective. Stick with one character’s POV for a whole scene. If you really must switch POVs within a scene, only do it once, and spend significant time in the second POV. Do not do quick, back-and-forth switches, or changes of short endurance. Readers don’t like to be tossed round all over the place.

• Telling, not showing. “Donna had a meaningful conversation with her little brother, Joe, and she realized that Joe was really growing up. She should consider giving him access to his trust fund.” If that’s an important relationship, that’s not going to cut it. What was the conversation? What made her think Joe could handle the responsibility of a trust fund? How is Joe growing up? In contrast to what? What made the conversation meaningful, rather than just, say, pleasant? If it’s not an important relationship, then we didn’t need to be bogged down with those sentences. If a principle is important enough to state, it’s important enough to demonstrate. “Jenny hated broccoli,” isn’t as compelling as, “Her mother was serving broccoli again. Jenny sighed. ‘I have to go the bathroom,’ she said around a mouthful of the disgusting green stuff. She didn’t wait for her mother’s permission, but ran to the bathroom and spit it all into the toilet. ”

• Antecedents. Just make sure all your subjects and verbs connect. I have a friend who likes the “Doing this, she did this,” construction of sentences. “Opening the car door, she looked back over her shoulder.” But in the attempt to portray two simultaneous actions, you can lose track of who’s doing what. “Hanging up her coat, it missed the hook and fell to the floor.” That means that “it” was trying to hang up someone’s coat, but instead fell down. It doesn’t mean that “she” was hanging up her own coat but dropped in on the floor instead, which is what the author intended.

• Wordiness. I give this advice to all authors, but especially to new ones. Cut 100 words a chapter. At least. You put in words you didn’t need. I promise. Your writing will be stronger, tighter, and more compelling for the cull. In fact, make it 200.

Next month: Self-editing, part 3: Character Development.

Kathy Teel is a freelance writer and editor. She has been writing for NouveauWriter since July 2010. Are you thinking of self-publishing your novel? Kathy Teel runs No Disclaimers Beta Services, and can help you get your manuscript ready for publication. NDBS can even help you market it once it’s out there.