Craziness of English language and other verbal insanities

I got this cool email message form a friend the other day, and I got a real kick out of reading it so and I thought I would share it with friends who are lovers of the English language.

Read all the way to the end. This took a lot of work to put together!

You think English is easy???
...here's a new twist...

1) The bandage was wound around the wound.

2) The farm was used to produce produce .

3) The dump was so full that it had to refuse more refuse.

4) We must polish the Polish furniture.

5) He could lead if he would get the lead out.

6) The soldier decided to desert his dessert in the desert.

7) Since there is no time like the present, he thought it was time to present the present .

8) A bass was painted on the head of the bass drum.

9) When shot at, the dove dove into the bushes.

10) I did not object to the object.

11) The insurance was invalid for the invalid.

12) There was a row among the oarsmen about how to row.

13) They were too close to the door to close it.

14) The buck does funny things when the does are present.

15) A seamstress and a sewer fell down into a sewer line.

16) To help with planting, the farmer taught his sow to sow.

17) The wind was too strong to wind the sail.

18) Upon seeing the tear in the painting I shed a tear.

19) I had to subject the subject to a series of tests.

20) How can I intimate this to my most intimate friend?

Let's face it - English is a crazy language. There is no egg in eggplant, nor ham in hamburger; neither apple nor pine in pineapple. English muffins weren't invented in England or French fries in France . Sweetmeats are candies while sweetbreads, which aren't sweet, are meat. We take English for granted. But if we explore its paradoxes, we find that quicksand can work slowly, boxing rings are square and a guinea pig is neither from Guinea nor is it a pig.

And why is it that writers write but fingers don't fing, grocers don't groce and hammers don't ham? If the plural of tooth is teeth, why isn't the plural of booth, beeth? One goose, 2 geese. So one moose, 2 meese? One index, 2 indices? Doesn't it seem crazy that you can make amends but not one amend? If you have a bunch of odds and ends and get rid of all but one of them, what do you call it?

If teachers taught, why didn't preachers praught? If a vegetarian eats vegetables, what does a humanitarian eat? Sometimes I think all the English speakers should be committed to an asylum for the verbally insane. In what language do people recite at a play and play at a recital? Ship by truck and send cargo by ship? Have noses that run and feet that smell?

How can a slim chance and a fat chance be the same, while a wise man and a wise guy are opposites? You have to marvel at the unique lunacy of a language in which your house can burn up as it burns down, in which you fill in a form by filling it out and in which, an alarm goes off by going on.

English was invented by people, not computers, and it reflects the creativity of the human race, which, of course, is not a race at all. That is why, when the stars are out, they are visible, but when the lights are out, they are invisible.

PS. - Why doesn't 'Buick' rhyme with 'quick' ?

You lovers of the English language might enjoy this:

There is a two-letter word that perhaps has more meanings than any other two-letter word, and that is 'UP.'

It's easy to understand UP, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake UP ? At a meeting, why does a topic come UP ? Why do we speak UP and why are the officers UP for election and why is it UP to the secretary to write UP a report?

We call UP our friends. And we use it to brighten UP a room, polish UP the silver; we warm UP the leftovers and clean UP the kitchen. We lock UP the house and some guys fix UP the old car.. At other times the little word has real special meaning. People stir UP trouble, line UP for tickets, work UP an appetite, and think UP excuses. To be dressed is one thing, but to be dressed UP is special.

And this UP is confusing: A drain must be opened UP because it is stopped UP. We open UP a store in the morning but we close it UP at night.

We seem to be pretty mixed UP about UP! To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of UP, look the word UP in the dictionary. In a desk-sized dictionary, it takes UP almost 1/4th of the page and can add UP to about thirty definitions. If you are UP to it, you might try building UP a list of the many ways UP is used. It will take UP a lot of your time, but if you don't give UP, you may wind UP with a hundred or more. When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding UP. When the sun comes out we say it is clearing UP...

When it rains, it wets the earth and often messes things UP.

When it doesn't rain for awhile, things dry UP.

One could go on and on, but I'll wrap it UP, for now my time is UP, so......it is time to shut UP!

Oh . . . one more thing:

What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you
do at night? U-P

Hope you enjoyed this!
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Turning DVD Movies Into Novels

A special movie has you entranced in its visual world, captures your attention throughout, and moves you emotionally. You become a part of the movie as "Character X". Without a doubt, you want this movie to become a part of your DVD collection. Something appealed to your inner self as you watched and immersed yourself in that movie. With some introspection, that piece of entertainment can now serve as an inspiration for a future work of literature.

Watching a movie is an interactive experience. You will have a reaction, whether positive, negative or otherwise. That you decide to see a certain movie several times to relive the emotional response tells you it is worthy of self analysis.

As an individual, you have a unique perspective on the plot, character interaction, and conflict resolution that transpires in a motion picture. Consequently, the plot of the movie can motivate you to create a similar storyline, transformed by your creative process into a new literary work. As movies originate from the writings of novels or screenplays, the "video book" that is a movie can be reversed back into written words to create a new literary work.

Let’s consider the benefits of movie settings. A movie filmed in the 1950's, for example, offers a wealth of information of the words and expressions used during this era. If you are writing a story taking place in this period, why not watch a movie with that specific setting? Words such as "toots" or "a rod", not commonly used today, make the dialogue genuine. Contemporary movies expose you to the differences in words and accents spoken by a New York taxi driver versus a plantation owner in Louisiana; the unique nuances breath genuine life into your characters. Say a character speaks broken English; what wording would he use and in what manner? Dialogue distinction is essential to the writer, and hearing it in a movie is invaluable.

Consider also the various settings in which scenes are being played out. Are these settings contributing to the interaction between characters and overall plot? The environment of a movie, as with the setting in a novel, can promote specific moods. A rundown city or a pleasant rural setting. A persistent rain or a particular season. Observe the effect of the lingering fog in The Others. In the movie Se7en  a constant rain and nameless city augment the movie's plot and suspense. This technique can be taken in written form to embellish pivotal parts in your project.

As with a novel, dialogue in a movie is unique to each actor. Hearing it in a movie makes it easier to write down. Study speech nuances, slang, and verbal interplay between actors. Arnold Schwarzenegger's patent lines such as "I'll be back", Bruce Willis's brand of humour in the Die Hard series or Clint Eastwood's sparse dialogue sharpens character development in the distinct vocabulary used in each case. Applying similar signature dialogue to your own characters can have the same effect on paper.

Wordplay and jokes told in movies can be taken to the written form as needed. Mel Gibson is known for ad-libbing wordplay in movies and Steve Martin offers a wealth of humour in his movies. Hearing the humour and word manipulation will help you develop new variations of comedic dialogue.

Observe the "character actors" in the movie serving a secondary purpose in augmenting plot development and helping the major player's qualities and believability stand out. Your novel needs two-dimensional characters for the same purpose.

How the title of the movie was derived offers insight in finding a title for your novel. Was the title mentioned in the dialogue? Does it relate to the movie's plot, or is it the form of an ironic statement? Or was it left vague as in The Others fostering suspense? Titles are important and movies make finding an effective title for your novel innovative.

The movie's ending is important; does it offer resolution, leave you hanging or catch you off-guard? This will spark ideas for a similar ending for your novel.

Contemporary movies that become blockbusters are indicators to the writer of what the public wants, and your literary work is more likely to be accepted in choosing the same genre, if that is the genre you like writing.

Of note also is how some movies follow a formula of similarity and yet are quite different. Both The Sixth Sense  and The Others  involved main characters who we didn’t know were dead until the ending. Yet each movie stands out as being unique. Your novel may read like a Stephen King plot, but introducing new elements to the story makes the final work stand on its own. You are not plagiarizing a movie in developing your own interpretation of a plot. Rather a creative mutation is born.

Finally, there are movies "based on a true story" that beckon you to find out more by doing additional research. You may choose to transform these real life events into a fictional format, or use them as a writing prompt or a muse to inspire your own story.

Movies begin with words, either as screenplays or works of literature. Viewing a movie can move you intellectually and emotionally, sparking a creative burst of energy to get you writing. Movies also offer knowledge that as a writer you can apply to a future project. Enjoy the next movie you watch, but also be observant of how you react to it. If you find yourself as "Character X" in that movie, this may signal an opportunity for a literary endeavour.

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Len Richman, author of Raindrops, Glimpses, Moments: An Unconventional Memoir of an Unplanned Journey (Author Interview and Book Giveaway)

Len Richman is an educator, actor, playwright and loving grandfather who has taught and been associated with the West Island College in Quebec, several universities and middle schools in China, and is currently at the Thomas More Institute for Research in Adult Liberal Studies in Montreal. He has recently worked on the set of Barney's Version with Dustin Hoffman, Mini Driver and Paul Giamatti.

If any of you live in Montreal, I encourage you to see the theatre performance of Raisin in The Sun directed by Len Richman. Details below:

The Montreal School of Performing/Arts Express O Theatre is proud to present:

A RAISIN IN THE SUN by Lorraine Hansberry

An adaptation by Len Richman and Jean-Luc Rey

Directed by Len Richman

Saturday & Sunday November 28th and 29th, 2009 at 8:00 pm

3975 Notre Dame West

Reservations: 514-483-5526

   Admission tickets $10

And now for the interview:

1. Tell us about yourself and what you do.
After involvement in the above three educational areas of World Literature, Outdoor Education, International and multi-cultural studies for years, and an extensive travel history (Asia, Europe, the South Pacific, Latin America, Canada’s Far North) I became “unexpectedly” involved in the performing arts as of August 2004. This led to stage work (acting, playwrighting, directing), and film work eventually qualifying for membership with ACTRA (Alliance of Canadian Cinema, Television and Radio Arts). It continues to be a fascinating new learning curve and experience!

2. How long have you been writing?
I have been writing since my teens.

3. Where do you get your inspiration to write?
My inspiration comes from life experiences and the people around me.

4. Where do you like to write? What type of writing schedule do you follow?
I like to write in the quiet of a “special” corner of the library I belong to, and in my study at home WITHOUT DISTRACTIONS! I try, TRY to write three mornings per week before anything else—e-mail, phone calls, postal deliveries, even breakfast conversation. It doesn’t always work!!!!

5. What genre do you write and why?
I write memoir-type essays and playwrighting because both clarify my perspectives in many aspects of living and being, although two children’s short stories I wrote were recently published in an elegant coffee table book: Essence of Flora – A Photographic Journey through Colour in the Garden (visit http://www.fairchild-designs.com/ for details).

6. Tell us more about your book and where it is available for purchase.
My book’s secondary title – “An Unconventional Memoir of an Unplanned Journey” is just that. Inspired by several sources as given in the Introduction, digging back, I chose certain “moments” be they fleeting or sustained that nourished who I became over the years in the most positive way rather than dwelling on the dreary or negative. It is available for purchase through me, my publisher- Llumina Press, Chapters in Pte. Claire, Quebec, and Amazon.

7. What have you done to promote your book?
I have not aggressively promoted my book since it was written really as a sort of review/catharsis and specifically for my grandchildren.

8. Do you ever get writer's block? What helps you to overcome it?
Writer’s block, no, procrastination, yes! I pay dearly for that and finally have to give in and get back to writing.

9. If you are self-published, why did you choose this option instead of traditional publishing?
Much has changed in the publishing world, and it seemed to me that traditional publishers were only interested in the horrific, the bizarre, the scandalous, the pornographic, the voyeuristic, or, as our media is now described as “infoentertainment.” This is what is selling. I was on another “trip” so to speak, again, as explained in “Currents and Tributaries: An Introduction” at the beginning of the book. No traditional publisher would have found it marketable.

10. What is your next project?
Currently directing an adaptation of the play, A Raisin in the Sun, I am writing two more of my own plays, one solo, the other in collaboration, and making notes for another book that I hope will eventually share my experiences in the performing arts having started much later than most, but still not considering it a second or third career as much as a happy accidental avocation.

11. What advice do you have for new writers?
Keep writing, do a lot of observing and read, read, read!

Book Giveaway

And now for the giveaway! Len Richman has given me one signed copy to give away. For a chance to win, please leave a comment stating why you would like to win this book. Do NOT forget to leave your email address, ex: laura(at)laurafabiani(dot)com. For an extra entry, please become a follower by clicking on the Google Follow on the left sidebar of this site. Read the review of Raindrops, Glimpses, Moments.

Giveaway ends on November 19, 2009. Open to US and Canadian residents only. No P.O. box addresses.

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15 Places to Find Writing Prompts Online

Writing prompts make it easy to stimulate the creative process and find something to write about. There are many different sites online that provide prompts for writers of every genre. Here are 15 places to explore when you feel like practicing your craft:

Writer's Digest - The Writer's Digest, an online writing information warehouse, provides 96 different writing prompts. The prompts cover a wide variety of subjects and will work for almost any writer.

WritingFix - WritingFix offers a random writing prompt generator that is good for improving writing skills. The 542 writing prompts are designed to spark imagination and creativity in writers.

Be Creative - Within the Be Creative site, you can find creative writing prompts designed specifically for adults. These prompts work well for creative writing and English journals.

Creative Writing Prompts - This site provides 329 writing prompts listed by number. Simply place your cursor over a certain number and write away.

Language Is a Virus - The Language Is a Virus site provides a writing prompt generator with prompts for fiction writers, essay writers, philosophers, and poets.

Ink Provoking - New writing prompts are added to the Ink Provoking site every Monday. Site visitors can also browse through previous prompts.

30 Writing Prompts for National Poetry Month - The Book of Kells blog lists 30 writing prompts and exercises for poetry writers.

Super Teacher Worksheets - The Super Teacher Worksheet features creative writing prompts for use with daily journals. The 30 writing prompts cover general everyday ideas that users can easily write using imagination or memories.

Write Source - Write Source features a large collection of writing prompts separated into writing levels. The prompts cover everything from very simple writing concepts to advanced writing concepts.

Fiction Writing Prompts - The About.com Guide to Fiction Writing provides several writing prompts and exercises for fiction writers.

The Writing Journal - The Writing Journal from Tooter4Kids.com offers a wide variety of writing prompts for young writers. Other features include writing topics and links to other writing prompt sites.

Write On - The Write On site offers a writing prompt generator that's great for journal writing and essay writing. Some of the prompts are geared toward young writers; others are geared toward adults.

TheTeachersCorner.net - This site offers an archive of daily writing prompts for beginner and intermediate writers. The prompts work especially well for everyday journalists.

ClassBrain.com - Writing teachers can use the ClassBrain.com writing prompts to inspire imagination and creative writing with the help of the famous Harry Potter series of books.

Everyday Spelling - This spelling site features an assortment of writing prompts for 1st through 8th graders. The prompts encourage writing that is as simple as a note to writing that is as complicated as a personal narrative. This is a excellent way to improve students' writing, spelling, and proofreading skills.

Guest post from education writer Karen Schweitzer. Karen is the About.com Guide to Business School. She also writes about online schools for OnlineSchool.net.

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The Writing Room

I was so honoured when The Quebec Writer's Federation asked me if they could feature me in their Love Ms Julie's Blog—a blog about new Quebec English-language writing. They have a feature called The Writing Room, where QWF members talk about their writing space and writing process.

I'm very excited to share this with my family and friends. Please feel free to visit the post and leave a comment!
 http://lovemsjulie.blogspot.com/2009/10/writing-room.html

Thanks for your support, as usual.
Laura Fabiani Read more on "The Writing Room".

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The Common Comma

There are many reasons for using the comma, the punctuation mark used most frequently within sentences. Today, we will look at one basic function of the comma that is often omitted. Look at the following sentences and see if you can tell what is missing and why.

I told my mother I was famished and she proceeded to make me my favourite peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The teacher repeated the rules but the students continued to ignore them.

We could barely make out the road ahead for the storm was raging madly across the town.

You can eat out at the diner today or you can make yourself a home-cooked meal.

Peter was cutting the vegetables while Julia was stuffing the large turkey.

You may have noticed that all of the preceding sentences are compound sentences. A compound sentence is a sentence that is composed of two or more sentences joined together. They are joined by a conjunction, such as and, but, for, or or.

The rule, then, is as follows: A comma usually precedes the coordinating conjunction in a compound sentence. In addition, a compound sentence of which the second member is introduced by as (in the sense of “because”), nor or while (in the sense of “and at the same time”) likewise require a comma before the conjunction.

Therefore, the above sentences are corrected as follows:

I told my mother I was famished, and she proceeded to make me my favourite peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The teacher repeated the rules, but the students continued to ignore them.

We could barely make out the road ahead, for the storm was raging madly across the town.

You can eat out at the diner today, or you can make yourself a home-cooked meal.

Peter was cutting the vegetables, while Julia was stuffing the large turkey.

Sometimes, when the compound sentence is very brief, the comma is omitted before the conjunction.

Mary thought she had a bus ticket but she didn’t.
Tom likes to write poems and he also writes sonnets.

Why don’t you look at the short story, letter, or manuscript you’ve written and see if there are any missing commas in your compounded sentences? You may find a few … From now on, when you write, think of this rule for the comma, and put it into practice.
Read The Common Comma Part II
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The Common Comma Part II

In our last issue we looked at a commonly forgotten usage of the comma. Although the rule may seem simple enough, until one starts writing and conscientiously applying the rule, a new writer may tend to omit using the comma where needed.

Let’s look at how we use the comma for non-restrictive relative clauses and restrictive clauses. Are there commas missing in the following sentences?

The crowd which initially consisted of a few hundred people became a swarming horde of thousands.

In the winter of 2001 when Leila’s daughter was born the worst snowstorm of the century hit.

In the province of Quebec where most of the citizens speak French immigrant children are required to attend French-language schools.

If you guessed that 2 commas are missing in each sentence, you are right. The commas are needed to set off the non-restrictive clause that does not define but only adds to or supplements the sentence. In fact, each sentence is made up of two statements that could be written independently. The corrected sentences should read:

The crowd, which initially consisted of a few hundred people, became a swarming horde of thousands.
OR
The crowd consisted of a few hundred people. Later it became a swarming horde of thousands.

In the winter of 2001, when Leila’s daughter was born, the worst snowstorm of the century hit.
OR
Leila’s daughter was born in the winter of 2001. That year the worst snowstorm of the century hit.

In the province of Quebec, where most of the citizens speak French, immigrant children are required to attend French-language schools.
OR
Most of the citizens speak French in Quebec. In that province immigrant children are required to attend French-language schools.

A restrictive clause, on the other hand, does define or limit the sentence and cannot be separated into two independent sentences. For example:

Women who are severely abused are less likely to display self-confidence.

In the above sentence the restrictive clause (who are severely abused) serves to define which women are less likely to display self-confidence.

Study these rules and refer to them often. Soon you will automatically know where commas are needed for non-restrictive and restrictive clauses.
Read The Common Comma (Part I)
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